Gay Face

Rick, Aurora, and I had coffee this evening. She is obsessed with Facebook, the online social networking site. [Do I really need the hyperlink or the explanation? Anyone with enough internet savvy to read a blog must know what Facebook is, but I figured just for completeness' sake, I might as well add it. Plus, this shields me from claims of partiality: "Why did you hyperlink your own entires, but not Facebook?"]

Anyway, Aurora's addiction borders on unhealthy; it does not help that her Blackberry updates her constantly on Facebook ongoings. So there we were, reclining in semi-overstuffed furniture the color of dark roasted beans, the air redolent of a slightly stale brew. Rick sipped a grande passion tea, Aurora a non-fat latte. (Tea and coffee stain the teeth; a bottle of Ethos™ for me, please.)

Aurora's opposable thumbs pecked at her phone zealously, like someone resolved to make full use of the evolutionary advantage nature has bestowed. "Have you ever tried to meet anyone on Facebook?" she shouted to me over the shriek of the espresso machine.

"Well...no. I'm not looking to date anyone right now," I began. "Plus, I'm not fully out, so I wouldn't acknowledge my sexuality on Facebook. But there is a similar site out there for gays and lesbians."

This was tantalizing enough for even Aurora to look up from her friends' status updates. "Really? What's it called?"

"Not everyone who uses it is out, so I don't feel right about telling you about it. It would be like outing someone."

Aurora set her Blackberry down on the table, repositioned herself cross-legged, and rested her elbows on her knees. This enabled her to lean forward, to get closer to the story. "Really? So it's like a secret society?"

Rick rolled his eyes. "Come on, man, just tell us what it's called. What's the big deal? If we were gay, you would totally tell us." He began rolling up the sleeves of his blue-striped dress shirt.

"Yeah, but if you were gay, then you'd have a stake in keeping it secret, because you might not want others to know about it. You're just a straight person with nothing to lose." (Just a straight person. I don't think I'd ever used that phrase before. It was pejorative in a way that's acceptable only when used against a majority group. A straight person could never get away with saying, "You're just a gay person.")

Rick slunk back in his chair, as if my reply had taken on a physical dimension, caught him off-guard and nudged him backward. "Whatever. I'm going to find out what this thing is called."

Aurora's eyebrows moved close together while her mouth opened into a small ring of disgust. "Rick, you're horrible. It's their secret society, don't intrude. Let him keep it a secret if he wants to." She turned to me. "I totally understand. I mean, I am totally curious and everything, but I also know why you can't--and shouldn't--tell us."

"I know what it is," Rick announced. "It's gay Facebook. So it has to be called Gay Face."

If only it were named something as cool as Gay Face.