Monday, April 6, 2009

Is he or isn't he, the age old question*

It's been nearly a month since I first introduced myself to Jonathan, and ever since then I've been asking myself the question men have wondered since time immemorial: Is he, or isn't he gay?

For my convenience (and for the readers'), I have organized a list of clues about his sexuality. After studying the list, it became fairly clear that he isn't gay, but might still be bisexual. (This is why the columns are labeled "Signs Jonathan is Straight/Not Straight," instead of "Signs Jonathan is Gay/Not Gay."**)


Only adding to the confusion was a set of clues I couldn't categorize: Jonathan keeps inquiring about my dating status; he altered his name tag to read "Jon·I·Am" (imitating the rapper Will-I-Am), which he pointed out to me with special pride; he suggested coming over to my place to party; he made a sexual remark about a female at the gym, whom he later learned was only fourteen.

Blogosphere: please help me read the tea leaves.


------------------------
*Did you ever see the episode of Will and Grace episode in which they're attracted to the same guy, but can't tell whether he's gay or straight? They then consult Jack:

JACK: Ah, yes. Many have sought my counsel on this subject. They say, "Jack is a wise man. Jack is a dangerous man. Jack is a great man." No. Jack is just a man. A man who knows men who like men. Bring to me the facts.
WILL: Ok. In his bathroom, he had 3 magazines, and one of them was Martha Stewart's Living.
GRACE: He also had Basketball Digest.
JACK: Ahh! You both make compelling points, but I believe the truth is to be found in the third magazine...
WILL and GRACE [TOGETHER]: Vanity Fair.
JACK: ...unless it's Vanity Fair.

**Other titles under consideration included
"Reasons to give up hope on Jonathan/Reasons to invite him to bed"
• "I may have to turn him/This may be easier than I think"
• "He's Straight/He's Str8."

†The "Lady" is, incidentally, headlining at this month's fabulously gay White Party in Palm Springs. For more information, go here or here.

1 comment:

  1. I think Jonathan is a douche. (Eee. Is that bad to say? I know he's hot and all, but looks aren't everything...)

    ReplyDelete