The Rent Quonundrum, Part II

(Information update: Paul has informed me that at the performance of Rent for which he has already purchased tickets, Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal will reprise their roles as the original Mark and Roger, respectively. This is no small event in the world of musical theater. Paul describes it as "pretty epic.")

After I signed off, and shut down my computer for the night, I began praying for Paul. Specifically I prayed that he would have the courage to do whatever he thought was wisest, and that he would be obedient to what the Lord wanted of him, not simply what he wanted for himself. I thanked God for the opportunity to be an influence in Paul's life, and for the chance to be a dissenting voice against the a priori assumptions of my former colleagues, who may have been well-meaning, but were also overstepping important bounds. (At no time did I say "Please, eternal God, give Paul the good sense to watch lesbians and gays sing lustily as they writhe around suggestively under a bed sheet,"^* though the thought did cross my mind.)

Normally once my laptop has been put away, it is done-for-the-night, but after my time of intercession, I so strongly felt God asking me to tell Paul some things, that I actually restarted my computer and signed in again. (Unprecedented!)

Me: hi. i am back
Paul: lol
Paul: wow
Me: there are a few things on my heart that i wanted to say before i forget...

[What follows is another edited version of my thoughts]:

(a) As a writer, I like people to support the arts; (b) I think since you are also a writer, you benefit from being exposed to the arts, especially those of high quality, as this performance should be with the original mark/roger; (c) as you know, [your fellowship group], along with its many virtues, has a reputation for being legalistic at times, and I think it would help dispel that reputation if you went.

More importantly, Ihave a strong suspicion that the reason your friends don’t want to go (and don’t want YOU to go) is the content of Rent, since nothing in the show would probably cause you to stumble (like...there is no nudity, and the lyrics are suggestive in a way that would likely cause you to think impure things). I can only imagine it's because they think that by going you are tacitly endorsing the things in the show. But that is not true: I think you can see Schindler's List without supporting the holocaust or read Merchant of Venice without supporting anti-Semitism (and that's a rather racist play).

Paul: but remember, Rent puts homosexuality/a lotta other things in a positive light
Me: i don't know i would say that the play "endorses" it, but it does portrays it as "normal." But again, in the transaction of art, it is the viewer's responsibility to make of it what he will. Simply because Jonathan Larson presents homosexuality/cocaine usage as normal, does not mean that you as a viewer need to adopt that view. but if i can accept that part of the premise of a work is wrong, i can still watch it, and learn from it, and ultimately give thanks to God for providing an enjoyable, didactic experience.
Me: also...this is a very imperfect analogy, but it's like having a friend who's gay; you don’t endorse his/her life choices by being his/her friend
Paul: mm
Me: in other words, contact with something does not inherently taint you
Me: i think there is value in spending time with other Christians (and non Christians) in all aspects of life. also, Jesus taught that it's not the thing that goes INTO you that makes you clean (ie the entertainment you imbibe) but what comes out of you. what will you make of the Rent experience? will it give you more compassion for the marginalized, or people who have HIV? will it remind you how much people need a Savior?

After this I was explicit that my intent was neither to push Paul to go or abstain, but simply to offer him another intellectual platform on which to stand as he made this choice. I can't be certain, but I have a strong suspicion he will go.

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^*This is an allusion to the performance of the song "Contact." I considered embedding a Youtube video or a link, but after watching two dozen clips, thought better of it. Most of the footage is of regrettably low quality, or doesn't give an angle conducive to understanding the scene in context. Go see Rent for yourself (if you don't share the reservations of Paul's friends).

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The Rent Quonundrum, Part I

Some background: In college, I attended what is easily one of the most conservative churches in the U.S., and was part of the associated college fellowship on my campus. I currently work in the high school ministry of my church. Now, several of the graduated high schoolers whom I mentored attend the same college and fellowship group.

While there is certainly much to be praised about this fellowship (excellent teaching, reverence for God's Word, deft administration), it has a not undeserved reputation for "legalism," a term that in modern Christian parlance connotes several things: 1. A tendency to add and enforce extra-biblical requirements on Christians; 2. a expectation that other Christians hold and live by the same personal convictions; 3. (in extreme cases) a proclivity for judging people's salvation based on these extra biblical beliefs.

What follows is an online conversation between me and Paul, one of the young men from my church who now attends this particular group.

Paul: hey, i have a question
Me: hi. i may have an answer
Paul: ok
Paul: so have u seen Rent?
Me: yes
Paul: alright, so my question is
Paul: can u say that u can give glory to God when watching it?
Me: hm…good question

Since Paul is an English major (and so was I), I figured his question might be something in the vein of Chaucer, Milton, or Auden, something more like "can you help me apply a neo-Marxist interpretation to The Faerie Queene?" No, it was nothing as simple as that.

So here's the "cleaned up"^* version of what I said:

On a general level, yes it is possible. Clearly it presents situations that are not optimal, and many of which are sinful, but I don't seeing Rent is necessarily different watching another TV show or movie; I think you can watch it, and interpret the songs/storyline from a biblical worldview (sodomy/fornication have serious consequences, sin has a de-humanizing effect on the sinner and those around him, etc).

Does it glorify God when we take art (a movie, book, musical, song) and view it with a Christian worldview, or see it, and let it teach us something real about the world? I think so, and I think that *can* happen without effort, but that is hard, so in order for that to happen, we should be intentional, instead of just going simply to be entertained.
Me: sorry, that was sort of verbose [I edited out many of the superfluous comments for this blog]

Paul: the problem is that the tickets are bought, and the show is coming up soon. and this complication had to arise...
Me: are you going with any people from [your fellowship group]?
Paul: i planned it... and i did not foresee this at all
Me: am i correct in understanding that you are debating whether to go to see it?
Paul: yeah
Paul: i feel like people would view me differently because of the Bible verses they pull that go against me [sic] going
Me: just out of curiosity: what verses did they use?
Paul: “whether you eat or drink do all to the glory of God,” “be above reproach,” etc.

Hmm. First, don't fall into the fear of man [being concerned with the judgments others make of you, instead of the judgments God makes]. Ithink that temptation is strong in [your fellowship group] to do (or not do) something because of how others will view you. Though the Bible is clear that we need to have brothers and sisters who point out things that we might not see, ultimately, you will stand before God on your own, so you will be responsible for the choices you make--regardless of what counsel you received from others.

Their suggestions can be helpful, but are not a substitute for you making your own decisions. Second, 1 cor 4:6: “I have applied all these things to myself and Apollos for your benefit, brothers, that you may learn by us not to go beyond what is written, that none of you may be puffed up in favor of one against another.” We are not to go beyond what is written in God's word. Some things are clearly proscribed, but everything else is permissible. So we can't go "beyond" what scripture prohibits.

There is no specific prohibition against Rent, or musicals, etc, so I advise against letting others put up regulations beyond what is already in the Bible. When we do that, it makes us "puffed up" in thinking that we are morally superior because we hold ourselves to a higher standard (when, of course, in reality, God's standard is already the highest).

Pray about it, and do as the Spirit leads. the larger issue really is not about going or not going, i think. This seems like a "grey" issue, so watching is not inherently good or bad. you have Christian liberty...unless, you think that going would cause some of your friends to stumble.

Paul: its just 2 friends who don’t agree with me, but i don’t think they would stumble if i were to go. they might judge me.
Me: i should sleep soon. but in summary, i do understand now why this is a hard thing. don't bow to peer pressure, but don't go just to "prove your point" either (which is something i think i often do...) really, you have to decide for yourself whether those verses apply about being above reproach, etc
Me: if they do apply, then you can't go because it would be sin. if not, then you are free to choose whatever you like
Me: i will def pray for you to get wisdom :) i definitely believe God is honored in your seeking out the "right" thing to do. clearly you are giving this much thought, and strive to do what would honor Him.


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^*Content unaltered; redundant/insignificant parts truncated to spare reader; capitalization and spell check applied as needed.

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I shall not envy lovers

I shall not envy lovers
But long for what they share.
--Aida, Elton John's Aida

[Is it significant that when titling this entry, I thought of an allusion to a piece by one of the most conspicuously gay entertainers? Perhaps not; I recognized this queer connection only later. Still, I think it's worth noting. And now it's been noted.]

Today when several of my colleagues and I were en route for our daily dose of caffeination, Rick and Aurora were walking ahead of me. Since their relationship isn't yet public knowledge, they refrain from all real signs of affection in public. Still, even without hand-holding, a peck on the cheek, or even an exchange of knowing glances, the sight of their walking side-by-side was enough to reawaken a long-felt, often-suppressed longing.

Why can't I have that? Where is my Rick? Where is my Aurora? The familiar monologue, usually too whiny even for me, today seemed to merit real sympathy. This image of their synchronous steps as he leaned over and placed a delicate message in her ear--this planted a seed in me.

...a seed that germinated during my evening writing class. "Write about something of which you have a strong memory, but without telling me how you feel about it. Use no words of judgment." Foolishly, I picked the memory of a beautiful young man I saw once in a gay bathhouse in Korea: sad, dark eyes like pools of midnight; smooth, tanned skin, full lips. I remembered how much I desired him, how he let me sit next to him and brush his leg with my toes, how I will never enter a real relationship with him, or any other man.

And I knew that I couldn't write about any of that, unless I were willing to bawl in front of my classmates, which I decidedly was not. So instead I sat while from everyone else, memories flowed from mind, to hand, to paper.

After class, I escaped to the restroom to collect myself. Miraculously, the stall was like my phone booth: entered a emotionally pathetic Clark Kent, and emerged Superman, unfazed by the incident.

Later in the evening, I recounted this series of events to my (Christian) friend, Patricia. After a couple failed attempts at wise counsel, she came up with the following:

"A dating or marriage relationship will not solve your problems, nor will it fill the void you have in your life. I recently talked to a woman who was hoping a husband would bring her happiness, but once she got married, she realized this wasn't the case. She said she was still lonely, even with a great husband. You need to find the things you're looking for in Christ first, because if you don't, you won't be satisfied no matter what other things you add in your life."

Sigh. And how long will it take to find full satisfaction in Christ? I think it's gonna be a long, long time.

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Mismatched

Many things in life are simply not designed to work together: black shoes with brown belts; the Christian faith and homosexuality; Mariah Carey’s marriage to Tommy Mottola, 21 years her senior; Mariah Carey’s marriage to Nick Cannon, 10 years her junior. My adult life has been defined by one of those mismatched pairings; guess which one. (Hint: Mariah Carey knows better than to wear incompatible accessories.)

After a healthful serving of deliberation, followed by some unhealthful indolence, and a dash of apathy, I finally mustered the courage and willpower to blog about the twin pillars that hold my life up--and at times, collide with each other, burying me in their wreckage.

A warning to all readers, Christian, gay, queer, all-of-the-above, none-of-the above: this is the story of my bifurcated life, and mine only. I do not pretend to speak for other believers, other homosexuals, or those simultaneously blessed and cursed enough to find themselves in situations similar to mine. With that in mind, happy reading, and thank you for journeying along with me through this blog.


PS: Perhaps some of you are thinking, "Hey, Mariah and Nick are still married! They still have a chance to make it work." Hey, I believe in miracles as much as the next evangelical, but let's not expect too much of the Almighty.

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